


Kiss

by CameoAmalthea



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:27:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28298244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CameoAmalthea/pseuds/CameoAmalthea
Summary: Jester tells Artagan about the kiss.
Relationships: Artagan & Jester Lavorre, Fjord/Jester Lavorre
Comments: 3
Kudos: 40
Collections: The Traveler Fan Club Discord Secret Santa





	Kiss

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Life_From_The_Ashes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Life_From_The_Ashes/gifts).



Jester was still clutching the little ceramic unicorn when she woke the next day. She smiled to herself and set it on the dresser. She’d put it back in her backpack once she finished getting dressed. She didn’t want to get out of bed just yet. The blankets were so nice and warm, and it was going to be another cold day once they left the mansion. 

She looked at the clock, just after five am. She had plenty of time. She rolled over but couldn’t get back to sleep. She got up and headed to the vanity to grab a hairbrush. As she walked she called out.

“Hey Artie?” she called. “Are you around? Can you hear me? Are you awake?”

“I don’t really need to sleep the way you do,” came a voice right behind her ear. She turned to look at him and smiled.

“Good morning,” she said.

“Good morning,” he returned. “And why are you up so early.” 

“Don’t know,” she shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep.” She reached for her brush then turned back to the bed. 

“Was there something, in particular, you wanted to talk about?” He asked, walking beside her.

She giggled at the question, blushing at the thought of telling him. “Well,” she said coyly, “a lady shouldn’t kiss and tell but-”

“Oh? Which one was it?”

“What?” she asked, her face scrunched in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Oh,” he said innocently, “I was curious as to which of your friends would make a move first. I thought one punch girl, she’s aggressive and forceful. The wizard is far too shy, but then again he was going out of his way to impress you.”

“What?” she asked again. “No, it was Fjord!”

“Fjord? Oh - him,” he said, “congratulations! He’s the one you wanted, isn’t he? The one you asked about months ago? Did my advice help?”

“I didn’t love potion him,” she said indignantly.

“I didn’t mean that part,” he said, “I realize that wasn’t...ethical advice. Just more of a literal solution. But I thought the other bit was at least somewhat helpful.”

“I honestly gave up on trying,” she said. “After Avantika...it hurt, Artie. It really hurt. And I just...gave up and didn’t try. Even when he did things that could be considered super romantic, I didn’t, like, think about if it might mean anything?”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, like the time he dove out of that big tree to grab me, I figured, he did cause he promised my mom he’d look after me, and maybe he just saw me like a kid. Someone who needed to be looked after. I don’t know…” she turned so her back was to bed but she did not sit quite yet. “And then that one time after the party in Nichodranus we kind of had a date, but it didn’t seem like much. Just two friends hanging out. I was over him. Honestly, I was trying to dance with Caleb back in Rexantrum but he pushed me and Fjord together. It’s like everyone knew he liked me except me. I was over it. I’d given up and then...then he asked to kiss me last night and it was...it was so much better than when I was drowning.” Her grin was giddy as she looked up at him. 

“I’m sure,” he said. “And I’m happy for you.”

“You’re not jealous?” she asked.

“Do you want me to be?” he teased.

“You’re still my number one love,” she assured him.

“I don’t have to be,” said Artagan. At her quizzical look, he clarified. “I don’t want you to think that I need you to put me first. I don’t have to be your number one love. Really, I shouldn’t be…”

“So Fjord should be my number one?” she asked.

He chuckled and shook his head. “You should be your number one.” He told her pointing a long elegant finger squarely at the center of her chest. “Love yourself first.” 

Jester let out a huff and flopped backward onto the bed. “That’s not exactly easy.”

“Why not?” he asked, sitting on the bed beside her. “You’re very loveable. Look how many people care for you, Jester, myself included, which is no small thing.”

“It’s...a bit scary,” she said, “like how will I make myself get better if I’m happy with myself all the time. Don’t get me wrong, I like being me and I like that people like me I just...sometimes worry that...I don’t know...that people will stop liking me?”

He was silent for a long moment as if trying to think of what to say. “I always like you,” he said, “more than anyone or anything.”

“Your favorite.”

“Always,” he crooned. “I’m sorry if I can’t be of much help with this. I don’t care at all what anyone thinks of me or if I’m liked. I am what I am and I do as I please, and my only concern is if I’m enjoying myself.”

“I love that about you,” she said. 

He chuckled again and shook his head. “I’m not a role model,” he told her. “But tell me, why do you worry that anyone would abandon you? I never have, certainly. Your mother sent you away, sure, but was that only to protect you. She’ll never stop loving you.”

“I know,” she said, putting on a smile and then stopping herself. “I guess...and I don’t want to be ungrateful or say anything mean because my mama is the best. It’s just...sometimes, growing up I felt like...well...I didn’t always come first and never would...Sometimes I worried that part of the reason I had to be hidden was that she was ashamed of me? I mean I know that’s not it. I know that people finding out she had a kid would hurt her business and she provided for us. It’s just...pretending like you don’t really exist isn’t always great.”

“Diminishing yourself for others is never great,” he told her, “and how to put yourself last is not a lesson your mother should have taught you.”

“Be a good girl, don’t let anyone see you, hideaway,” she said, “and even after I left I was hiding for a long time. Hiding how I felt. Pushing away the sadness and finding reasons to smile. Saying I’m ok even if I was crying.”

“Did I make you feel like you had to hide from me?” he asked. “Jester, I hope you know what we have isn’t conditional.”

“I never hid from you,” she said, “well not until the whole Traveler Con thing. I didn’t think I had to because you never needed me. What could a god need? You had everything under control. Then it turned out you didn’t and you asked for my help. So I felt like I had to be ok, for your sake. I want to be there for everyone who needs me. And I’ve learned that I can’t...not always, and it feels better not to hide.”

He gave a solemn nod. “I’m sorry I put so much on you.”

“It wasn’t just you or the whole Traveler Con thing. It was my friends too. Sometimes I felt like I was being pulled apart cause they were so sure you were gonna be secretly evil and up to something and I just...I wanted them to trust me. I get not trusting you, you’re...well...they don’t know you. But they know me. I didn’t want them to see me as a little girl all naive and sheltered. I know a lot.”

“You’re very wise,” he said, “wiser than they realize, perhaps.”

“Fjord is protective of me,” she said, “and it’s actually kind of sweet. Like the boys in the romance stories are always super protective of the girl they love, running to save her and stuff. Fjord’s done that for me.” 

“I’m sure he also knows you’re quite capable of handling yourself,” said Artagan. 

“Oh yes, I’m sure he does,” said Jester. “That’s not a problem. It’s just...I guess...this is so new and wonderful and I can’t help but be kind of scared. Like- ok, so you know how all of my friends really don’t like you?”

“I know,” he deadpanned. “They were quite clear on that.”

“Yeah,” she said, “well, a lot of the things they were mad at you about were things that were my idea. A lot of the stuff they don’t like about you are the things I love about you. And I wonder if they see the parts of me that you do. If they realize all the stuff they hate about you is the stuff that’s also a big part of me. If they’d still like me if they really knew me. Sometimes I worry they just see an idea of who I am, just all the parts they like, and if they saw all of me they wouldn’t like me anymore.” 

“They’ve known you for a while now,” said Artagan, “It’s been months day in and day out and to be honest I imagine it feels longer given all you’ve been through together.”

It was her turn to chuckle. “Yeah, it does,” she said, “A few months feels almost like a few years. And hey, I even look like it’s been a few years.” She laughed again.

He reached out and ran a hand through her hair. “It doesn’t bother you doesn’t it?” he asked. “What that thing did to you?”

“I don’t like the idea that I’ve lost years,” she said.

“You haven’t, not really,” he said, “it’s not as if the world has passed you by. Besides, we can get those years back. It’s not a spell I could teach you now, but someday we’ll grow strong enough. If it’s something you want to fix.”

“I don’t know,” she said, “I don’t want to be vain or anything. Besides, maybe Fjord likes me better this way.” She saw his look and quickly added, “I’m kidding, he liked me before and I guess I didn’t think that he did...I guess I’d given up on it. But...yeah, he likes me.”

“And do you like him?” asked Artagan. 

“Well yeah,” she said, “he’s-”

He cut her off. “I don’t need to know the details, dear Jester,” he said, “I just need to know that you’re happy and that’s all you need to know. Not if he’ll like you once he knows you better or it will work out in the long run. Just right now, are you happy?”

“Yes,” she said. 

“Good, enjoy it.” 

“I guess so,” she said, “after all, I mean, we might all die.” 

“I’ll try not to let that happen,” he said.

“I just hope Fjord didn’t only kiss me because we were worried that I might die or something,” she said, then sighed heavily, “ugh, I’m overthinking it again.”

“Well, right now you might die, the world might end, so who cares, enjoy yourself,” said Artagan. “And once you survive and save the world and have your whole life ahead of you, enjoy yourself. Either he’ll still like you or he won’t and maybe you won’t even like him. I don’t know. But it doesn’t matter. Just try to have fun, and if fun includes kissing him, then kiss.”


End file.
